The baffling internet debate about whether no really means no rages on today, for some reason. When inspiring video footage of Rep. Maxine Waters giving Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin a lesson in what not giving consent sounds like started circulating on Twitter this week, Slate correspondent Will Saletan tweeted something he meant to be supportive, we think. He suggested that women should follow Waters' example of decisiveness: "say 'no' firmly and mean it."
Okay, sure — except for the fact that no means no, regardless of whether the man in question interprets your tone of voice as a "firm" one. Saletan's tweet continued to explain that "men sense women's willingness to yield."
It didn't help that Saletan framed his argument (which essentially puts the onus of not only modulating conversations but rape prevention on a woman's tone of voice — and men's interpretation of that tone and whether it "means business") as advice to parents for what to teach their daughters. As opposed to, you know, parents teaching their sons and daughters not to sexually assault people of any gender.
Advice to parents: Teach your daughter to say "No" firmly and mean it. Men sense women's willingness to yield. Make clear you mean business. https://t.co/bp48ziEjYw
— Will Saletan (@saletan) July 29, 2017
The denizens of Twitter, of course, are not having it. Men and women alike have been tweeting rebuttals about what consent, both linguistically and legally, entails. Unfortunately, Saletan stuck to his argument despite its dismantling.
Men don't have some special sense to divine women's true thoughts. You'd have to be convinced of male supremacy to assume such a thing. https://t.co/D7Zwe2ZlOk
— Tom & Lorenzo (@tomandlorenzo) July 30, 2017
Ugh. I taught my girls to say "No" real weakly and to act all yieldy. Then I said, "Never mean business." Guess I did it wrong, Will. https://t.co/IZce3y44zX
— Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) July 30, 2017
TEACH YOUR SONS THAT NO MEANS NO. https://t.co/l8gyPBrdTS
— Rachel Sklar ❄️ (@rachelsklar) July 30, 2017
I'll keep teaching my daughter that I have her back when she breaks a guy's nose/hand/nuts for not listening to her "no" the first time.
— MK (@mk_rodgers) July 29, 2017
Parents, teach offspring of all genders & ages that "maybe", "let me think abt it", "I'm not sure", etc are all No unless & until told Yes.
— Carina C. Zona (@cczona) July 29, 2017
I've seen many women try to debate men, or assert themselves in conversation, with insufficient firmness. That's the context of the tweet.
— Will Saletan (@saletan) July 29, 2017
You are promoting a toxic normative belief that perpetuates the tolerance of rape. It's literally an item on the Rape Myth Acceptance Scale.
— Caroline O. (@RVAwonk) July 29, 2017
And because Twitter irony knows no bounds, Saletan tweeted again to criticise the women who spoke out in response to his argument that women should speak out.
I wrote that girls should be taught to assert themselves, like Maxine Waters. What happened next on Outrage Twitter won't surprise you. https://t.co/3FBNodWJkv
— Will Saletan (@saletan) July 29, 2017
Women speaking up about a culture of victim-blaming are deemed "Outrage Twitter" to demean and silence us. No. https://t.co/M2PlFgfSL2
— Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok) July 29, 2017
What started out as an attempt (with a misguided angle) to applaud Rep. Waters spiralled into an apparently much-needed conversation about consent (again). Let this be a lesson to us all about when to rescind an argument and apologise — and about the actual definition of consent.
Anything that isn't an enthusiastic "yes" is not consent, period.
Thankfully, legislators across the country have been buckling down on consent laws in recent months, so there will be an added legal reason for parents to teach their kids that no absolutely means no, regardless of how you speak, shout, or whisper it.
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