Christmas is a time for taking stock, we're often told, and January is a time for turning over a new leaf. With this in mind, here's a list of things we need to lock away with the shocker of a year that was 2016. Some of them are exclusively 2016 phenomena; others have been brewing for a while but reached peak "eugh!" this year.
None of them is giving up sneaky visits to MailOnline because we need to be realistic about this and accept that some bad habits are out of our control...
Facebook politics
I get it. With 2016 giving us Brexit and the rise of Trump, really letting rip on Facebook felt cathartic and necessary. But here's the thing: you were ranting at your friends, a group of people who (hopefully) hold similar views to you. The ones who don't – your mum's pal Margo, that guy from school who used a briefcase instead of a rucksack – aren't going to change their minds because you cleverly repurposed an Ariana Grande song title: "I'm so into EU”, brilliant! If you need to let off political steam in 2017, shout at the screen during Question Time. Save the Facebook rants for annoyances everyone can get behind, like bad customer service, or Piers Morgan.
Grief-policing
A lot of people died in 2016, maybe you heard? And yes, whenever we said farewell to someone famous, it got a bit overwhelming because of the internet. But there's nothing more basic than calling out someone with the argument, "You never met David Bowie/ Victoria Wood/ Pete Burns – how can you be upset?" Maybe that person grew up listening to Bowie's music in their parents' car. Maybe that person likes watching old Victoria Wood sketches on YouTube during their lunch break. Maybe that person once saw Pete Burns in Liberty makeup hall and WhatsApped everyone they knew to share their excitement. (Okay, that last person was me.) But the point is this: celebrities and cultural icons can mean something to us for lots of different reasons. When one dies, let us grieve if we want to.
Pokémon Go
Pokémon Go is the Jessie J of 2016: We'll look back in five years' time and wonder what the hell we were thinking. Yes, it's a form of exercise, but so is going for a walk. And when you go for a walk, you actually see things. Trees, fields, a scabby branch of Costcutter, whatever. When you play Pokémon Go, all you see is a yellow rabbit-headed Moomin thing called Pikachu on your phone. And chances are, you’re forgetting to talk to the friend you dragged to the shops in the first place.
Reckless foodstagram posts
I'm not suggesting we stop posting pictures of our food – come on guys, we're too far down that slippery slope to turn back now. What I'm proposing is a more selective approach. Foods that don't look good in pictures include fish and chips, most roast dinners and almost all forms of Mexican. Foods that do look good include fancy salads, freakshakes and high-end brunches probably featuring avocado. The golden rule? If it's mainly beige, just eat it.
Humblebragging about Dry January
This one is important because December's almost over and the threat is getting real again. If you don't wish to drink alcohol in January, or any other month, that's great – have a J20 and enjoy feeling more simpatico with your liver. Just don't drone on about it every time you bump into someone, or post pictures of yourself doing a face mask with the caption: "This is how I spend my evenings now, lol!" If you do wish to drink alcohol in January, fantastic – fancy going halves on an Uber to Aldi? Apparently they do a case of prosecco for £30.
Honey G
Despite her baffling lack of rapping talent and the fact one writer branded her act "modern-day blackface ", Honey G's 15 minutes seem to be dragging on. Simon Cowell has signed her to his record label and debut single "The Honey G Show" drops (thuds?) this month. Under no circumstance allow your dad to download it "for a laugh" over Christmas. Life is short and if 2016 has given us a scarier mantra than "Brexit means Brexit” it's surely "H to the O to the N to the E to the Y to the G, it's Honey G!" Yes it is – now get back to that day job you were probably very good at.
"cba"
Everyone flakes on a night out sometimes – everyone except Kate Moss, anyway. Sometimes you just want to stay in and binge-watch Location Location Location, and that's okay. But we can't let it become too much of a habit. Because if we don't make use of our pubs and clubs and independent coffee shops, they're probably not going to survive. In February it was reported that UK pubs are closing at the rate of 27 a week and, once they're gone, they're not coming back. So if you don't want your local to become another branch of Pret or a semi-fancy property development, try to use it a bit more regularly. And if you want to put "Pure Shores" on the jukebox while you’re there, no one's judging.
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